Have you ever felt stuck like you’re on a hamster wheel can’t get off? You just can’t seem to move forward, you’re uncertain or scared about making changes so you do nothing. Or you hope somehow the changes you want will magically appear. And with each passing day you feel more frustrated, and like a loser because you can’t seem to get it together. Life just keeps going on and you’re in the same place you were last year or maybe even 5 years ago. Well, you’re not alone.
Did you know up to 70% of Americans hate their jobs? Yikes! Talk about feeling stuck and unfulfilled and that’s just one part of your life. What if you feel it in your relationships, finances and health too? Geez, no wonder we’re a nation of stressed out, over tired people with chronic health conditions. Even if you don’t fall in to that category, it’s likely you’re feeling stuck in some area of your life.
Here’s the good news. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE IT! Here’s 5 Keys to Take Charge and Take Back Your Life.
- Name It To Change It – Identify where you’re feeling stuck. Career, relationships, health, financially, well-being, spiritually or a combination of different ones. After my divorce I felt stuck, scared and out of control financially, in my career and relationships. Each part of your life impacts the rest they’re not mutually exclusive.
- Be the Captain of Your Own Ship – Remember this is YOUR LIFE, you get to CHOOSE how you want to live it so take responsibility for how you want to live and what you want to create in it.
- Clarity is Divine – Get clear on what you want instead. If it’s health determine what you want to change with your current health. For example if you want to have more energy and lose 20 lbs. What’s in your control, what’s out of your control? You can control what you eat, the amount you exercise and your thoughts about your health and well being. Out of your control are things like what other people think or tell you should do. If you have a pre-existing condition that limits the type of food you eat or exercise you can do, that’s out of your control too BUT it doesn’t limit you from improving your health.
- Take Action – Even baby steps help you to get unstuck and move towards creating what you want to change. Do some research, you can find anything on Google. Come up with a plan that works for you and implement it one step at a time.
- DOC It – This comes from my friend, Tom Sterner’s book, “The Practicing Mind”. Do, Observe, Correct. Rarely is getting to your desired outcome a straight path. Course correct along the way without bringing your inner critic into the conversation. Slip ups, mistakes, failure is ALL part of the journey, stop with the judgment already. (That’s a topic for another conversation.)
Here’s what I want you to do. Take these keys and use them. And if you need some help schedule a complimentary 20 minute strategy session with me. As Danielle LaPorte says, “It’s your life. YOUR life. Your LIFE.” I’m here to help you change it and make it the best it can be.
FEAR. You get bombarded by it by the media, you experience it to varying degrees in your own life. It can be as inconsequential as fleeting butterflies in your stomach or powerful enough to knock you to your knees. Various acronyms and sayings abound about it. False Evidence Appearing Real, Face It and Rise or my favorite (because it’s mine) Feelings Experienced As Resistance. One thing that’s for sure is that it’s wired into us. If I told you you’d never feel worried, rejected, confused or unhappy again, I’d be a BOLD faced liar, right?
Fear my friend, is a part of who we are as human beings. It’s lodged right smack in the EGO where it lures us into safety, complacency and self limiting beliefs and behaviors. Not that it doesn’t serve a purpose, it does. If I’m in an unsafe place or situation I WANT to feel it so I can get the hell out of there.
But most of the time it creates havoc and discord within and in your life. And this I know oh, so well. Here are 5 of the lessons I learned in overcoming my own fear.
1. It Can’t Be Completely Eliminated
2. Don’t Shove It Down or Avoid It
3. View It as a Teacher
4. Use It to Propel You Forward
5. Bless It for How It Helps You Grow and Expand
F.E.A.R. may accompany you throughout your life BUT it doesn’t have to control you. You my friend have the power to claim your independence from it by choosing to live from a place of love starting with loving yourself first.
Have you ever watched the movie, “The Big Fish”? One Sunday morning last summer I started watching it and I became hooked by the story of adventures told by a dying man to his estranged son who believes all his stories are “big fish stories”. It’s a funny, sweet film that made me laugh and cry. It beautifully brought home the point that everything in our life is based on our perceptions and beliefs.
What big fish stories do you have about yourself or someone else? Do you deny the possibilities of your life because your dreams seem too big, too unbelievable for you? Are you playing small in your business because it feels safe or you fear failure, rejection?
Or is it success you fear? I love this quote by Marianne Williamson. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness, that most frightens us.” Are you resisting stepping into your power because it may change some of your relationships?
I’m guilty of all of the above; we all have a tendency to keep ourselves stuck in some way or another. So today, ask what story you’re telling yourself about your goals, your dreams. Do you believe that all things are possible for you or that deep down you can’t have the life you envision?
In the movie, the father as a young man had an all encompassing desire to marry the young woman he loved nothing would stop him from capturing her heart. He spent years learning about her and preparing to be a good husband to her and sure enough he marries her much to his rival’s displeasure. He was clear on his intentions.
Today get clear on your intentions, what is it that you want to create in your life and then take 1 step towards it. It could be making a phone call, researching a topic, visualizing how it feels once you’ve achieved it. That’s how you begin to create your ideal life, step by step with belief and commitment that all things truly are possible.
What if you forgave yourself and let go of ALL the regret and guilt you’ve been holding onto? And PUHLEASE don’t tell me you don’t have any. O.K. for those REALLY Spiritually Awakened, Connected and Aligned you may have worked through this ONE. Yet even some of the most consciously aware people I know still have layers of regret and guilt they’re releasing. Me too! This is a process.
Play with me, here. What if you could, what if you did let it go? How would you feel and what would your life be like? I’ve been working on this lately and I’ve got to tell you the sense of freedom and acceptance it’s giving me feels so damn good!
This morning I locked my purse with my keys and cell phone in my car. I was on my way to a monthly meeting. So I went up to the meeting told them I needed to use their phone and why. Some of the comments I heard were, “Oh, you’re having a Monday”, “She’s having a bad day”, it could’ve felt that way if I let it. BUT I didn’t.
I called USAA (who I love by the way) they connected me with roadside assistance and within 45 minutes it was all taken care of. Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy.
The point of this story is:
#1 Present moment awareness. I could’ve avoided it completely had I really been paying attention to what I was doing.
#2 Shit happens. I made the choice not to get caught in the drama of the situation and allow it to effect my mood and attitude. It was just another experience on the journey called life.
#3 I set the intention it was going to be resolved with ease. And it was!
We forget we’re so powerful in every moment we get to choose how we feel and what we think. On another day I may have freaked out and beat myself up for being so stupid. Today I didn’t.
What if you let go of regret and guilt? I’d love to hear your comments.
After my divorce in 2010 I thought everything in my life would just magically fall into place. It didn’t. In fact, it got worse. Although I was happy to be out of my marriage, I couldn’t seem to find my way back to being productive, successful, and happy. Truth is I was depressed more than I realized. And it seemed like no matter what I tried, failed which made me more depressed.
I kept up the good appearance of working through things just fine but I isolated myself most of the time with the excuse that I didn’t have the money to do things or spend time with friends. It was true I was broke but there’s plenty you can do that doesn’t cost a dime and puts you in contact with positive people, like volunteer.
I meditated, attended a spiritual community I love and read books on personal growth and spirituality which all helped, yet I couldn’t seem to get past my fear. You see I’ve lived most of my life in fear. Afraid of really going for it at work, in relationships, always settling because deep down I didn’t think I deserved what I really desired.
It took me breaking open to break free. What do I mean by breaking open? I mean losing just about everything, having to borrow money to live, having my heart shredded to pieces by a man I loved, having every fear and false belief I’d held about myself come to the surface so I had to face them, feel it and free it.
It was emotional pain so deep like every bit of hurt and anger I’d ever felt came exploding like a volcano to the surface of my being at once. It was a lifetime of shame, sorrow and belief that I didn’t matter, in order to be loved I had to hide who I really was not ask for what I wanted or needed, that I first needed to please and take care of others before I could be loved and valued.
Yet at the same time it was freeing. Freeing in that I could finally see my fear for what it was; a long held erroneous belief of being unworthy and unlovable. Finally I was willing to relinquish it so I could allow the truth to begin to settle within me. After a month or so of being in a really dark place, I began to lighten. I knew through this process I was shedding old beliefs, old patterns and I was ready to liberate the fear that had kept me small up until now. In time I began to feel more confident, to embrace my value until I no longer questioned my worthiness, I now know that I am.
It’s not that I don’t ever experience fear, I do. Overwhelm, anger, frustration, procrastination and even anxiety all surface but it doesn’t control me anymore. I don’t freak out and think nothing’s going to work out when I’m now faced with a challenge. Now I know what to do to get back to a place of peace and good solutions don’t come from decisions made in panic. I’m not scared anymore because I’ve realized everything in life is temporary so I’ve learned to appreciate what is present, right here and now. How I feel and react is my choice no matter what’s going on around me. And I have the power to determine the direction I want to take my life.
Am I exactly where I want to be? Not yet. And that’s O.K. because I’m focused on what I’m creating, thankful for what I currently have and trusting of the journey. I’m on my way and who knows what exciting adventures I may experience along the way.
So the moral of this story is in order for you to break free from your fear and the emotional pain holding you hostage, you have to allow it to surface, walk through the fire of your feelings and accept your fear doesn’t define you and be willing to release it and claim the truth of who you are, a magnificent being created in love inherently worthy and deserving of love, health, and abundance. It’s up to you to love, honor and respect yourself first, no one can do that for you.
There’s no other way to the other side, to peace. You can try self medicating with alcohol, drugs, shopping; sex, whatever; the pain and fear you’re suppressing will continue to hold you captive until you give yourself permission to release it. I suppressed mine for years until it erupted like Mt Vesuvius. You don’t have to go down the same path. Allow it to surface, feel it, and free it. It’ll make all the difference in your life.